My Story
I first started listening to stories of the sexually broken when I was serving in the United States Air Force in the early 1970s, a new Christian, in the midst of attempting to grasp it all myself. There I found a myriad of sexual addictions among young single men. When a roommate confessed homosexual tendencies, or the guy down the hall could not stop visiting the prostitutes downtown on a weekly basis, it put me on a quest to discover what God and His Word had to offer me and others.
I began to notice some similarities in many of their histories. I heard gut-wrenching confessions of self-hatred and emotional torment. What posed a particular issue for me was that some of these men claimed to be believers in Christ. Was I thinking that as believers we were fundamentally immune to such activities? Or, was it simply ignorance of the moral claims of scripture?
In the early ’70s, there were few materials available on how to help persons wanting to recover from sexual brokenness. At the time, the only thing I knew to do was to befriend them, listen, and pray with them. We would also take time to read and study the Bible together. I knew I didn’t have the answers, but I had great faith that God did, and we would sometimes stumble upon answers that He would reveal. We frequented different churches together and would hang out with friends on weekends. I discovered that the less idle time these persons had, the more they walked in freedom. I also discovered that being left alone with thoughts of depression about life circumstances made them vulnerable and more likely to ease that hurt with a sexual pain reliever or some other form of medication.
Drug and alcohol use and abuse were rampant on our military base. I couldn’t help but connect the dots: taking drugs helped to reinforce how badly they felt about themselves and, of course, lowered their inhibitions. Initially, drugs and alcohol served as a numbing agent, but eventually they felt guilt and remorse over their drug and alcohol usage, too, as well as giving in to sexual encounters while high or intoxicated. I observed such self-destructive behaviors week after week. By their own life patterns, they actually reinforced exactly what they were fighting to keep from feeling on a daily basis.
Another observation during those years was that the more time we spent together in God’s Word and prayer, the more these men expected a miraculous cure. They fully expected to wake up one morning and no longer desire sex or drugs. A miracle is what they needed, and they saw examples of the miraculous in God’s Word. Surely, they thought, one would come to them. Their thought patterns went something like this: If I were miraculously cured, my mind would no longer think the thoughts I don’t want to think, and my actions would change. Further, if my actions would somehow change, I would feel better about myself, and I could stop the destructive life patterns. Then I wouldn’t need drugs or sex to numb myself.
I knew the love of God and the grace of God was real for each man that was suffering. Honestly, it was challenging to not judge them, but the compassion I felt for them was also real to me.
Why Write About This Topic
There is so much confusion in our world today concerning sexual sin. The following is to help us understand the Bible’s position on sexual sin, both Old and New Testament. It is for those seeking answers on this subject from God’s word who are open to God’s truth and not simply what culture dictates to us. It is a controversial subject for sure, but we cannot be afraid to tackle it in a godly, loving and righteous way. This document is not presenting answers of healing for the sexually broken, but it is taking the time to share with you, the reader, principles from God’s word that pick apart and address sexual issues. If you are open to God’s principles, they themselves will bring healing and life change.
Boundaries
Drawing boundaries in these relationships became critical for me. Innocently, I never realized that spending time alone and showing the love of Jesus through real friendship could also be a stumbling block for them. They found it very difficult to not confuse same-sex friendship with same-sex attraction. I had to learn what to say and do and what not to say and do so that I didn’t cause more hurt and rejection in their lives.
Emotional Dependency
During those years, I began to learn about something called “emotional dependency” in relationships. Emotional dependency can happen between individuals in both same-sex and opposite-sex relationships. It happens when one person begins to look to another for his or her emotional needs to be met. It’s when the ongoing presence and/or nurturing of another is believed necessary for personal security; this person feels as though he or she cannot exist or function without the relationship.
Emotional dependency is a bit of a Catch-22 for these persons. They need examples of healthy relationships, but at the same time, they struggle not to look to another for their emotional needs to be met. One human being cannot meet all the emotional needs of another human being, whether in a marriage relationship, between a parent and child, or in a friendship. I learned from working with these men that I could not meet their emotional needs or be their source of healing, and that boundaries had to be incorporated and maintained within our friendships.
Being young and for the most part unknowledgeable, I continually questioned God as to why He brought these men into my life. I had no expertise and no counseling degree in order to help them. All I had was God and what He would show me from day to day. I never asked for this “ministry” and felt woefully inadequate. But then, perhaps inadequacy is a prerequisite to healing. If I thought that my training and personal knowledge and experience could bring healing, then I would have directed these men to look to me. When I realized that I was not adequate, but He was adequate within me, I could point them to Him.
A Cultural Shift
I went on to work with sexual addictions and brokenness while as a social worker and a marriage/family counselor. This timeframe spanned over 25 years. During that time, I observed that the world has no answers for these persons, not even for those who desire freedom. I have watched the laws of our land change drastically. The Air Force military staff sergeant whose case brought about the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy change was stationed on my base in Virginia. I have seen blatant homosexual characters slowly but purposefully introduced into movies and TV shows, always humorous and happy in their character and demeanor.
I have observed in my lifetime God’s gift of sex turned into something casual and without commitment. The HIV virus and many other sexually transmitted diseases have spread because our culture has taken sex outside of marriage and pushed back God’s boundaries as unobtainable, prudish and rather old-fashioned. When I was a child, Ricky and Lucy, a married couple on the I Love Lucy show, slept in separate single beds; now, we are hard-pressed to find any TV show or movie that our family can watch that depicts God’s covenant of marriage and honors His sexual boundaries. I doubt that we could find one TV sitcom that has singles not sleeping together, heterosexual or homosexual. Even if the program rating does not allow sex to be shown, it is constantly implied.
The funny thing is that I have my own generation to blame for getting us to where we are. It was my generation from the ’60s and ’70s that pushed the envelope for sexual freedoms. We rebelled against laws, and drugs and sex were taken “out of the closet” and done openly at concerts in the name of peace and freedom. We said it was our right to disobey the law, and it would hurt no one. As teenagers and twenty-somethings, we spread our wings and rebelled against our parents. We broke the only commandment that ends with a promise, and we have been reaping the seeds we sowed ever since. We opened the door to sexual brokenness, legalized abortion, and the breakdown of the family as it has been known from the beginning. We said, “Anything goes,” and it did, especially the good foundation on which our nation was built. We threw away biblical values, declared God was dead, and got on with building our self-help, self-esteem idol. We could do it ourselves; after all, we changed our culture from Leave It to Beaver to Two and a Half Men.
My generation was wrong – dead wrong. Hundreds of thousands of lives have been destroyed by drugs and disease. Families have been decimated. Our world is so sexualized today that we now have young children sexually experimenting in grade school. It has cost billions of dollars for resulting increases in health care and law enforcement. Drugs are at the core of crime all over the world because a generation wanted its freedom. How prideful; how self-centered.
Looking for an Answer
In all the years I have counseled the sexually broken, I never met one person who was happy with and fulfilled by sexual addiction. I have never worked with a homosexual or a heterosexual who wasn’t scared of his or her own potential for destructive behavior and, at the same time, feared the consequences of that behavior. I never met a man or woman who claimed to be a homosexual and wanted to remain that way, who wasn’t crying out for change from deep within his or her soul. Even those who walked away from God and into the gay lifestyle for years wanted out. I have heard such similar stories repeated over and over of how destructive the lifestyle is, how full of self-hatred and anger toward others. I have been told repeatedly by these persons that being gay is anything but gay, and while gay pride marches take place in city after city and the laws change to try to normalize this lifestyle, it is anything but normal to them.
However, I was not finding people who had been successfully rehabilitated or had miraculous reversals of sexual attraction until I heard about Exodus International. I observed Exodus International for years, read their material, and listening to their tapes. I was amazed that they were writing about so many of the behaviors and feelings that I had heard expressed for years. I went to an Exodus International meeting and was impressed with their Christ-centered group therapy sessions. I met with some of the leaders of that group and discovered that they had all walked through some form of sexual brokenness from their past. I decided to travel to southern California to enroll in their week-long training course.
That week was amazing, as I had the opportunity to meet the director of Exodus International; he remains the director to this day. I had never before heard such wisdom and principles of healing so well communicated with such sensitivity. The director himself had been in a committed gay relationship for years and had lived with the belief that he was gay from early childhood. When I met him he was and to this day still is walking in freedom from the gay lifestyle. There were numerous similar testimonies given that week, and I made lifelong relationships with other counselors and former strugglers.
Exodus International’s efforts are now worldwide. Their healing process has great results. Through the organization I was introduced to Leanne Payne and her superior work with men in what she wrote about as “the present crisis in masculinity.” Her years of study of men and sex in Europe and the U.S. were invaluable learning tools. Her scientific studies presented answers where there were huge holes in my understanding. It was her work that helped to provide a profile of the dysfunctional home environments and parental disconnects found within the sexually broken. It was her work that helped to identify male confusion in sexuality from sexual abuse and violation as a child, sometimes found within infancy, where there is no memory recall.
Payne discovered that many men find themselves “split off from their masculinity” due to a lack of male affirmation. She states, “The masculine within is called forth and blessed by the masculine without. An automatic and serious consequence of a man’s failure to be affirmed in his masculinity is that he will suffer…he will be unable to accept himself.” She believes that all the masculine qualities and gifts are innate; they simply have not been affirmed into life. Payne shares that “We cannot pass on to the next generation what we do not ourselves possess. Un-affirmed men are unable adequately to affirm their own sons…there is, in short, an overwhelming amount of gender confusion in great numbers of men today.”
The Old Makes a Way for the New
True freedom is possible for any sin or sickness that human beings have had to face since the third chapter of Genesis. While the Old Testament exposes the sin, the New Testament provides the truth of the Incarnate One, the Redeemer of this sin. The Old Testament scriptures are vital to understanding the New Covenant. It is the old that makes a way for the new.
Far too many Christians believe that there is no need to read the books of the law or the major and minor prophets. “This was the Old Covenant,” they repeat, “and we are under a New Covenant.” But this statement is only partially true. You cannot have a new without the old. Jesus Himself walked on this earth under the Old Covenant, and He addressed the need for the Law of Moses. He taught this law, and He walked in obedience to it.
Romans 7:7 tells us, “What shall we say then? Is the law sin? Certainly not. Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law.” Romans 3:20 reveals that through the law we become conscious of our sin. Galatians 3:24 states, “So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith.” And I Timothy 1:8-10 reads, “We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. We also know that law is made not for the righteous but for the lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious…for those who kill…for adulterers and perverts, for slave traders…and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine.”
Jesus and the Law
Jesus never erased the law; rather, He fulfilled it. Remember, He lived under the Old Covenant. “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the Law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:17-20).
The law of the Old Covenant teaches us about sin. The Ten Commandments were given to identify sin in our lives and in society. While the law did not lead us to salvation, it made us aware of our wrongdoing. The law was good in that it showed us our sin and identified our need of a Savior. For without the law and the writings of the Old Covenant, how would we know what is offensive to our heavenly Father?
An expert in the law once asked Jesus the question, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus responded by asking him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?” The man said that one was to love God with all of his heart and love one’s neighbor as oneself. Jesus then told him, “You have answered correctly…do this and you will live” (Luke 10:25-28). Was Jesus actually affirming the teaching of the law? Yes, He was, not as a means of gaining God’s approval or love, but as a means of identifying our sinfulness.
The sins of the Old Testament are the sins in the New Testament: we are not to have or worship any other gods; we are not to worship any type of idol; we are not to use the Name of our God in any unholy way; we are to remember the Sabbath and keep it a holy day; we are to honor our parents, not murder, not commit adultery, not steal, not lie and not covet what others have. While there were many Jewish traditions (food, for example), for our discussion, we are looking at the Ten Commandments rather than the intricacies of rituals, i.e., dress, food, ceremonial washings, etc. Is murder still wrong? Is stealing still wrong? Is adultery still wrong? We can still go to jail for most of these sins in our society. We must identify and accept our sinfulness in order to be healed from it.
Our justification does not come through the law; it comes through Christ (Romans 5:1). The law cannot save us; it is by faith and through grace that we are saved (Ephesians 2:5, 8). However, what we must understand and what is rarely taught today is that “where there is no law there is no transgression” (Romans 4:15).
No Law; No Transgression
When the teachers of the law brought the woman who was caught in adultery (interesting to note that they did not bring the man as well, because under the moral code of the law, both had committed a crime punishable by death), they wanted to know (as a test) what Jesus would do with her. Both they and Jesus were aware that adultery was a sin that required death according to the law. Jesus responded that whichever one of them was without sin could cast the first stone, and as they walked away one by one, He turned to the woman and forgave her. But He did more than forgive her; He told her, “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:7-11). Jesus was saying that adultery is still sin, but that He had the power to forgive the sin and cleanse the sinner.
For too many, Jesus has become convenient, no more than a means to escape eternal separation from God. Meanwhile, they believe they can live according to how they personally interpret the scriptures (if they are even reading the scriptures). We cannot say we love Jesus only to the point where His words inconvenience us, and then rewrite the scriptures to match our personal beliefs. Jesus was a reformer, a revolutionary who taught an inconvenient reality. Even in our culture today, if you or I believe what He taught, it will be inconvenient. In fact, Jesus warned us that as He was persecuted for what He exposed and taught, we would be as well (see John 15:18-19). Further, He said that if we stand with Him and live a life honoring to Him, without compromise, there will be those who think that they do God a service by killing us (see John 16:1-4).
Sexual sin has separated our society today. There are those who are out to change the world from God’s point of view and will go to extremes to fight for their “rights” and sexual freedoms. Fortunately, God has answers for us in His Word.
Sexual Brokenness and Sodom and Gomorrah
There are an overwhelming number of scriptures that address sexual sin. Let’s start with Genesis 19. Here we find the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, where we discover that it did not take long for sexual brokenness to enter the world after Genesis 3. (Genesis 3 records the “fall” of man in the disobedience of His command to not eat of the tree of life.) Two angels were visiting the city of Sodom. A man named Lot had them to his home for a meal and rest. Before they had retired for the evening, the men of Sodom, both young and old, were at Lot’s door asking for the two visitors to come outside so that they could have sex with them (verse 5). The angels were on assignment to destroy Sodom and to get Lot and his family safely out of the city.
What would move the heart of God to the point of destroying a city? Genesis 13:13 says that the men of Sodom were “wicked” and “sinned greatly against the Lord.” Even though Abraham pled for Sodom, God told him, “The outcry against Sodom and their sin so grievous that I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached me” (Genesis 18:20, 21). Abraham even bargained with God, contending that if there were just ten righteous individuals in the city, would the Lord not destroy it (Genesis 18:32).
So complete was the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah that Deuteronomy 29:23 describes it as a burning waste of salt and sulfur – no vegetation, literally nothing planted and nothing growing. Isaiah 9 says that Sodom “paraded their sin.” The destruction was so complete that Jeremiah said, “God overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah along with their neighboring towns” (50:40). The destruction of these cities is so impacting throughout the scripture that there are numerous references also found within the books of Deuteronomy, Ezekiel, Lamentations, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Zephaniah, and Amos.
The references about this city do not stop with the Old Testament, however; they continue in the New Testament. Jude and Peter also write about the sin of this city. Jude records the acts of Sodom and Gomorrah as well as the surrounding towns as giving themselves up to “sexual immorality and perversion” and states that they serve as an example to us of those who will suffer “punishment of eternal fire” (Jude 7). Peter reminds us that God did not spare the angels when they fell, and He did not spare the ancient world when He brought about the flood, all the while protecting a “man of righteousness” named Noah. He then writes that God condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah “by burning them to ashes, and made them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly” (II Peter 2:4-6).
The destruction of this city because of its sin is found throughout the scriptures in detail. Sodom and Gomorrah are repeatedly referred to in scripture as a warning to us about our propensity for sexual sin. (According to Ezekiel 16:49-50, this is not the only sin found within Sodom.) This is not a briefly mentioned, lightly discussed subject in the scriptures, but a heavily referenced boundary point for all who name the Name of Christ. In fact, this is where the term “sodomy” originates.
God’s Moral Code
The Greek word porneia is a biblical term that means illicit sexual intercourse, including adultery (intercourse between a married person and someone who is not his or her spouse); fornication (intercourse between two unmarried persons, or two persons not married to each other); homosexuality (intercourse between persons of the same sex); bestiality (intercourse with animals); and incest (intercourse with close relatives). Jesus used this term in Mark 10:11 when He said, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.” The Greek term used by Jesus here was the word porneia. As you can see from the definition, the word had multiple sexual connotations and meanings. There is a separate Greek word for just the act of adultery, moicheia, and it was not used. Why is this important? It is important because it includes all, a broader range of, offenses and not just “adultery.”
Throughout the Old Testament, a sodomite was one who initiated licentious wickedness, the wickedness that was found within Sodom and Gomorrah. In particular, a sodomite was a person guilty of unnatural sexual relations. Where in the Bible do we find sexual boundaries and moral guidelines when it comes to sex? How do we biblically define the word “unnatural”?
Leviticus 18 thoroughly discusses unlawful and unnatural sexual relations. Why is this so important, and why was God so explicit? When man is left to decide for himself in his fallen state, he decides what is right in his own eyes, regardless of whether it is good for him or good for society as a whole (see Psalm 36:2 and Proverbs 14:12). God left no questions with His written moral code. He required a higher moral code for His people than for the lost nations around them.
What Exactly Were Those Boundaries?
The scriptures forbid sex with close relatives, including your mother; your father’s wife; your sibling; your daughter- or son-in-law; your aunt; and your brother- or sister-in-law. Scripture also forbids having sexual intercourse with your neighbor’s wife or animals. Finally, the scriptures say that a man is not to have sex with another man “as one lies with a woman” (Leviticus 18:6-22). God ends this chapter with a stern warning: “Everyone who does any of these detestable things – such persons must be cut off from their people. Keep my requirements and do not follow any of the detestable customs that were practiced before you came and do not defile yourselves with them. I am the Lord your God” (Leviticus 18:29-30).
Chapter 20 of Leviticus discusses the punishment for such sin and reinforces that we need to consecrate ourselves to be holy because God is holy. Additionally in this chapter, God warns about committing adultery with your neighbor, sleeping with your daughter-in-law, sex with animals, sexual relations with your siblings, your aunt, your brother’s wife, and again, “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable” (Leviticus 20:7-21).
Under the Old Covenant law, the penalty for most of these sexual infractions was death. God was serious about ridding Israel of sexual sin. If God did not require accountability and follow through with punishment of sin, then God was not true to His Word, and neither did He care about mankind’s well-being. As a parent loves a child, a parent corrects that child and follows through with punishment when the child chooses disobedience. “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son” (Hebrews 12:5).
Jesus Takes It Further than the Law
The Law of Moses was certainly very strict. However, in Matthew 5, Jesus also addresses a number of issues, taking them beyond the Old Testament law. He reminded His listeners that the law said to not murder, but then He added, “Anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment” (verse 22). He also affirmed that the law requires that no one commit adultery. Jesus takes this law further by saying, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (verse 28). Under the law, death was the requisite punishment for the act of adultery. Under grace, Jesus speaks an even higher standard of purity by stating that we can commit adultery in our heart, and it is just as unlawful as the act itself.
Jesus is so serious about this that He goes on to teach if our eye is a problem for us (a cause of lust for sexual sin) then remove it, for it is better to lose a part of our body than for our whole body to be thrown into hell (verse 29). Obviously, Jesus is not recommending that we literally gouge out an eye, but He is emphasizing the seriousness of sexual sin even beyond that of the requirement of the law. Jesus’ teaching requires a higher standard of morality than even the Old Covenant because of His love for us. If Jesus’ words don’t put the fear of God in each of us, perhaps nothing will.
So You’re Going to Quit?
There is a story that tells how a longtime smoker became alarmed when he read in the newspaper that smoking was shown to cause lung cancer and many other illnesses. His friend was a bit relieved about his discovery and asked him if he was now going to make the decision to quit smoking. “No,” he replied, “I’m going to quit reading.” Warning signs about sex outside the covenant of marriage are in God’s Word from beginning to end. Like the smoker, knowing the danger, we may choose to remain ignorant and stop reading God’s warnings, but the outcome for such a flippant attitude is eternally risky.
Our desires must come under the lordship of Jesus. Paul said it well when he told us that whether we eat or drink or whatever we do, we need to do it for the glory of God (see I Corinthians 10:31). Why? Because you and I were born for the glory of God. Our lives are to be a sweet sacrifice to Him. Our thoughts must become His thoughts and our actions His actions. In all we do, we must be pleasing to Him. That is why Jesus told us to deny ourselves, to pick up our cross and to follow Him in Luke 9:23. This is rarely comfortable for us, but our actions and desires must be considered through the source of Christ and His Word. Bear in mind, there is no categorization of sin; any sexual acts outside of the boundaries of God’s Word, whether heterosexual or homosexual, are condemned. It is all brokenness.
Those We Love
When the one struggling with sexual brokenness is someone we love, such as a best friend, son or daughter, or respected coworker, we may lose sight of relevant biblical principles due to our personal attachment to that person. Even though for some the desires are deeply ingrained, the promise of grace is equal to or exceeds their life circumstances.
It takes just one trespass for humans to be condemned, but the good news is that it took just one act of righteousness on Jesus’ part to bring justification and life for all. So powerful is the scripture that tells us, “For just as through the disobedience of the one man many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous” (Romans 5:18-19; see also I Corinthians 10:13). God’s Word never condemns the person; it condemns the sin, but also provides redemption for the sin. Jesus took the punishment we deserved and died for us on the cross. The Father placed my sin and your sin upon His Son.
Modern-day Terminology
The term “sexual brokenness” is not found in the Bible. Neither are our modern-day terms of “sexual orientation,” “homosexual lifestyle,” or “sexual addiction.” In biblical times, there simply was no such terminology. Some scholars believe that the very concept of a lifelong sexual orientation toward the same sex was unacknowledged and unknown to a biblical world.
In Baker’s Dictionary of Biblical Terms, Bible scholar Thomas E. Schmidt writes about “the ancient world” and sexuality. He focuses on the Greco-Roman period because “there are writings from this period that demonstrate familiarity with sexual acts between members of the same gender.” He states that these acts were not understood as a result of orientation, but: “It appears that the rape of the other males and the use of boys for sexual pleasure (pederasty) were performed as acts of dominance, violence, or experimentation by otherwise heterosexual men.” He also states that “In some circles, most notably those of the intellectual elite philosophers and poets, relationships between men and boys were lauded as the highest expression of romantic love. These relationships were not reciprocal, however.” Schmidt states that afterward, the willing or unwilling partners became “social outcasts” and some became slaves and were “discarded.”
In the Beginning
From the beginning, God created two genders to bear His image – male and female. The Bible states that Eve was created from Adam and the two became one flesh. Adam’s expression was that Eve was unlike the animal kingdom when he observed that she was flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone (Genesis 2:21-25). The sexual differentiation found in Genesis 1:27 brought about the becoming of a “one flesh” union (Genesis 2:24).
The New Testament concurs with the account found in Genesis. Ephesians 5:25-31 is read at many weddings today because it gives this same scriptural order for marriage as the book of Genesis: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church…He who loves his wife loves himself…For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” In both the Old and New Testament, the only scriptural example of marriage given is between a man and a woman.
Paul, in the book of Romans, uses terms like “natural” and “unnatural.” More specifically, he relates that women exchanged natural relations for unnatural relations and that men abandoned natural relations with women and committed indecent acts with men (Romans 1:27). The result? “Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie” (Romans 1:24-25).
This behavior was not only condemned as “deserving death,” but also stated in this passage is that those who “approve of those who practice” these acts do not know God’s righteousness (Romans 1:32).
The Normal versus the Abnormal
Why is it so important to identify the normal today? If we cannot define normal, how can we define abnormal? The enemy of our soul works feverously to make that which is normal become abnormal and that which is abnormal become normal. At one time in our nation, it would have been abnormal to become divorced from your marriage partner. Today it seems rather normal. No one seems to think twice about it. When my wife and I share that we have been married for 36 years, most people listening raise their eyebrows as if to say, “Wow, that’s unusual,” and then they congratulate us.
Abortion, at one time, would have been anathema in my nation (USA); now almost 1,000 babies are murdered daily. While it is abnormal behavior and the consequence of our sinful choices, it is so frequent and accepted that it has become normal to us. Illustrations could go on and on, but the enemy knows that if he pushes his agenda long enough (and gets influential people with money behind his evil cause), what was once considered abnormal can be considered normal and acceptable; even the laws of the land can change to support that which was once deemed abnormal by a Judeo-Christian foundation.
In my lifetime, I have watched the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders change several times when it comes to sexual brokenness. This is the manual that psychiatrists and psychologists use to diagnose disorders in order to complete treatment and administer a cure. Unless there is a diagnosis, there is no treatment. My observation is that if the professionals cannot successfully treat and cure something labeled to be a disorder or an aberration, they then work toward the normalization of it. The treatment process from this point then, becomes helping the patient normalize their behavior in his or her own mind.
Today there is a movement to legalize certain illegal drugs. The current illegal drug laws are causing great sums of money to be expended on law enforcement. The argument is that if legalized, they are no longer punishable for use, saving the tax payer money. It is another picture of our society’s inability to stop use or provide a cure and then taking action to normalize it.
The Apostle Paul was clear that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God. According to I Corinthians 6:9, the wicked includes the sexually immoral, male prostitutes, idolaters, adulterers, homosexual offenders, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, slanderers, and swindlers. Colossians reveals that we are to “put to death” that which belongs to our “earthly nature.” How was that earthly nature defined? The list includes the sexually immoral, the impure, lustful evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry (3:5-6).
The good news is found in verse 7, where it says, “You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.” I appreciate the past tense of this verse in I Corinthians as well: “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (6:11). We cannot condemn those suffering from addictions; perhaps we ourselves struggled at one time in our life. The good news is that God’s love and desire is to “wash” the one struggling. There is always hope for change, no matter how long our course of suffering.
The Original Language
The New Testament was written in the Greek language. If we take a moment to look at a few words in their original Greek form, it will provide keener insights into the meaning of a number of biblical passages. For example, in Galatians 5 we have the discussion of the flesh warring against the soul; we are told to walk in the Spirit so we do not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Verses 19-21 provide a list of those “works of the flesh” and add that those who commit these acts shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”
For our discussion and subject matter, we will look at four of them. The first four in the list are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, and lasciviousness. Adultery used here in the Greek is moicheia, and it means unlawful sexual relations between men and women, single or married. This word or some form of it is found in the New Testament 17 times. These scriptures are listed for your reference at the end.
Fornication in the Greek is porneia, which we have already defined. Porneia in the scriptures had to do with adultery, incest, idolatry, harlotry, sodomy, and male prostitution. These scriptures are listed for your reference at the end.
Uncleanness is a translation of the Greek word akatharsia and means whatever is opposite of purity, including sodomy, homosexuality, pederasty, bestiality, and all other forms of sexual perversion. These scriptures are listed for your reference at the end.
The word lasciviousness in Greek is aselgeia and means lustfulness, unchasteness, or lewdness, essentially anything that tends to foster lust and sexual sin. These scriptures are listed for your reference at the end.
God has always been very clear in His Word as to what constitutes His gift of sex within His boundaries of love and what is outside His boundaries of love, noted as sinful sex. That which was outside is forthrightly and unapologetically mentioned and defined as acts of unrighteousness toward our bodies and our Lord.
Recorded in Acts 15 is the decision that centered on non-Jewish believers and what, if anything, would be required of them from the customs of the Jewish law. After much debate and lively discussion, Peter addresses the leaders and reveals there to be no difference between these new believers (Gentiles) and the Jewish believers. He said, “God, who knows the heart, showed that He accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as He did us” (verse 8). Barnabas and Paul picked up on the discussion and shared about the miraculous signs and wonders that God did even among the Gentiles (verse 12). James, the lead apostle, then speaks up and states that there is nothing to gain by making it difficult for the Gentiles who were turning to God (verses 13-21).
The guidelines the early church came up with for the new believers were these: “Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood” (verse 20). The Greek used for “sexual immorality” was the word porneia. Of the regulations of the law for these new Gentile believers, it was all narrowed down to four important areas, one of those being fornication.
Sex is a generous gift from God to His creation. Unlike the animal kingdom, humans engage in sex outside of procreation, and He designed it this way for our pleasure. When God gave us boundaries for sexuality, He also did this for our pleasure. As man has been crossing those boundaries since Genesis 3, sexual brokenness and sexually transmitted diseases have been ongoing consequences.
Justification
All of us have sinned (Romans 3:23). We all fall short of God’s plan, and the wages of “missing the mark” (which is the definition of sin) is death, but Romans 6:23 states: “The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” God has given us a free gift, without any effort on our part.
When the Bible speaks of being justified or having received justification (see Romans 5:1), there is a three-fold definition to this word. To be justified means that I am forgiven of my sin, I am free from my guilt, and I am in right standing with God. To be forgiven, free of the guilt I feel for sinning, and then to actually be in right standing with God in my human state is simply incredible. Words cannot express what has happened to me or how it has happened. Justification is a gift from God, and knowing that I am justified is the only true way to know peace in this life.
Can I be justified if I have committed sexual sin? Yes, of course. There is no sin for which Jesus did not die. There is no sin that He has not already forgiven. Jesus forgave past, present, and future sin over 2,000 years ago. However, this does not mean that we can continue to sin without consequence. Romans 6 addresses this: “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” (verses 1-2). Knowing we are forgiven by the Just One is never an excuse to continue sinning. God’s grace has been freely offered to us through the sacrifice of His Son. We dare not take advantage of that grace just because we have been given a free will.
Honestly, if I were God, I would have never given man a free will. But our heavenly Father loves us so much that He does not force His way on us; we must choose His way. If we do not choose His way, then we suffer the consequences of our wrong choices. By example, if a man or woman engages in sexual activity, they risk pregnancy or contacting a sexually transmitted disease. The consequences of their choices will exist even though their sin can be forgiven.
While justification is an act of God, we must choose not to allow sin to be our master. We are no longer under the law; we are under grace (Romans 6:14), but never is that an excuse to continue to do wrong and therefore crucify Christ again by our personal choices (Hebrews 6:6).
A Better Way
God has a better plan. He has our best interests in mind. In the Old Testament, one of the priests’ areas of responsibility was to “teach [the] people the difference between the holy and the common and show them how to distinguish between the unclean and the clean” (Ezekiel 44:23). It seems that ever since the fall of man recorded in Genesis 3, we think we have a better way than God and are out to prove Him wrong, except that we keep getting deeper and deeper into trouble. We bend the rules further and further away from His moral code, and daily we suffer the consequences of those selfish choices.
Sexual brokenness is a worldwide epidemic, with human sex trafficking as the newest form of slavery to plague our world. Our insatiable desire for “sexual freedom” has led us right back to slavery in order to feed our base desires. How much more wicked can our world become than to take fellow human beings, sell them into the sex trade, and then discard them as though they were worthless? The heart of God surely must be broken over such depravity.
If there is no line drawn for our culture, our nation and our lawmakers, then how do we make any activity illegal or abhorrent, a “crossing over the line,” if we do not uphold a standard that establishes that line to begin with? That standard must come from outside of our personal desires and emotions otherwise it becomes what is right for me and too bad for you.
Lot was stationed in his city as a messenger from God calling for repentance from sin and change in the lives of the city residents until the day the angels swiftly escorted him out of his city to safety. Noah diligently proclaimed a message to his generation. His call for change and repentance fell on deaf ears. Everyone made fun of the old fool building an ark until the day the heavy door closed and it began to rain.
Jesus spoke these startling words of warning to His disciples and to you and me: “Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. People were eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all. It was the same in the days of Lot. People were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building. But the day Lot left Sodom, fire and sulfur rained down from heaven and destroyed them all. It will be just like this on the day the Son of Man is revealed” (Luke 17:26-30).
Will you be ready for the day Jesus is speaking about? He affirms these two events from the Old Testament and then gives us a bone-chilling warning. I believe God is looking on the earth once again to find the righteous ones like Lot and Noah who live in purity and obedience to God and will speak His truth as His representatives. We cannot force people to repent for their sin and change their ways, but it is our job to tell them the good news of Christ while doing good works in love and compassion.
Pressing Toward a New Goal
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do. For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. (Philippians 3:12-21)
The Apostle Paul, a man who at one time zealously persecuted Christians, had a dramatic encounter with the living God, and gave his life to Jesus, penned these words with Timothy, his spiritual son and co-laborer for Christ. He encourages us to press on toward the goal for which Christ took hold of us, to forget what is behind and look ahead. If at times we find ourselves in disagreement, God will make His truth clear to us if we sincerely desire to hear His voice. As we posture ourselves with an open heart, set our minds not on our selfish desires or earthly things, He will transform our minds and our bodies so that we can be like Him.
That is our goal, to be like Him. In all we think, in all we speak, and in all we do, our goal is to be like our Lord and Savior. He gave His life so that we can walk in sexual freedom in obedience to Him. Let us live knowing that our bodies are temporary, our spirits are eternal, and that He has made a way for us to live with Him eternally.
Where to Go From Here
The purpose of this document is not to provide answers as much as it is to help identify the boundaries found within the Bible for sex outside of marriage. If you or someone you know is searching for help in this area please contact: www.exodusinternational.org www.dayseven.net These sites can help you with services and resources available.
Scriptures for Further Study
Fornication, Greek Porneia
II Chronicles 21:11 | Isaiah 23:17 | Ezekiel 16:15, 26, 29 | Matthew 5:32; 19:9 | John 8:41 | Acts 15:20, 29; 21:25 | Romans 1:24-29 | I Corinthians 5:1, 10; 6:9-11, 13-18; 7:2; 10:8 | II Corinthians 12:21 | Galatians 5:19 | Ephesians 5:3 | Colossians 3:5 | I Thessalonians 4:3 | Hebrews 12:16 | Jude 6-7 | Revelation 2:14-21; 9:21; 14:8; 17:2-4;18:3-9; 19:2
Adultery, Greek Moicheia
Matthew 5:32; 15:19; 19:9, 18 | Mark 7:21; 10:11-12, 19 | Luke 16:18; 18:20; John 8:3-4 | Romans 2:22; 13:9 | Galatians 5:19 | James 2:11 | Revelation 2:22
Uncleanness, Greek Akatharsia
Matthew 23:27 | Romans 1:21-32; 6:19 | II Corinthians 12:21 | Galatians 5:19 | Ephesians 5:3; 6:19 | Colossians 3:5 | I Thessalonians 2:3; 4:7 | II Peter 2
Lasciviousness, Greek Aselgeia
Mark 7:22; II Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 4:19; I Peter 4:3; Jude 4
References and Materials for Further Study
Prokopchak, “Recognizing Emotional Dependency”, © 1999 House to House Publications, Ephrata, PA
Payne, Crisis In Masculinity, © 1995 Hamewith Books, Baker House Company, Grand Rapids, MI
Baker’s Dictionary of Biblical Terms, www.Biblestudytools.com, Thomas E. Schmidt, author
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